The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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