good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize