Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
