He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
