I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FUCK WHALES
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
