also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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