You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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