I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
