he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
