We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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