just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
