Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
