dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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