i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
