Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
