So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
