"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
