I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
