There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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