Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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