so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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