I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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