haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Less talking, more tequila
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
