Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
