Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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