I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
