She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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