Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
