I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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