The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
