yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize