I can tuck mytits in my pants
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
