Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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