I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
not ubering you a puppy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
