Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got inside last night via doggy door
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