So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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