Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
