Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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