I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
why is half of my head shaved?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
