What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize