The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
