Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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