Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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