i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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