by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
