Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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