I CAN MOONWALK!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
