It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
