DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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