New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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