help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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