It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
