Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
