He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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