Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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