and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
