I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
love makes seman taste better
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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