It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
