My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
