I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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