how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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