batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
