I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
