i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
