those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
