YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
