I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
