I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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