now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize