Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
