I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
