youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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