I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
