I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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